It's a good thing really, this music. You might even go as far as to say rap is lowering STD's. Rap music lets girls have sex without having intercourse. It's food for them, good for us guys, and oh so fun to watch. How can this be wrong Bill? HOW? Celebrate the grooves!
Before finishing this article I talked to a friend and asked what it was like to be a girl at the club when a rap song came on. I didn't tell her I was writing an article, I wanted a natural, anything goes reaction. This is her response over messenger, verbatim: 'It fucking makes me want to strip out of my clothes and have sex right in front of everybody. Especially the Lil Jon tracks, those are the worst or the best however you look at it. lol.' PROOF once again that rap music is the best thing that's happened since gold teeth and the automobile.
Before I go, to get you started, I've put together a club humping guideline to help maxamize your Dirty Humping experience. Here are the seven rules for dance floor fools:
1. Make sure you bring a change of underwear. I bring two just in case.
2. Wait for the rap songs, dancing to any other music is for losers and is a waste of time. When rap songs aren't up, get your drink on.
3. The more girls grinding on your legs, the better. I've seen 6 girls to a guy, two on each leg, one in frong and one in the back. Skinnier girls = more girls. The sky is the limit.
4. Don't get naked once things heat up. Cops can only take you to jail for public sex if your clothes come off.
| |
5. If you are just watching, don't jerk off in your pants. This is never cool. Club bathrooms aren't the right place either, this just looks like gay sex and you don't want to come off looking like George Michaels or PeeWee Herman if your intention is to pick up chicks. If you can't dance, wait till you get home. Your blue balls are your own problem.
6. When your friend comes off the floor (no pun intended) after a successful venture, buy him a drink. If more than one girl got off on his leg, buy him two. One drink for eafch girl, MINIMUM. Heavy girls count as two girls.
7. Last but not least, remember, girls have STD's, so this is the safest sex you're ever going to have. Enjoy every second of it.
Wow, as I am finishing up this article, some freak of nature kid outside keeps screaming, 'Hehhhhhh.' It's driving me crazy!!! Seriously, I must have heard it 40 times by now. 41, great. It sounds like the Ying Yang Twins are grilling out, so I am going to go see if it is, and when it's not, some parent is getting punched in the face. So yeah, there is really nothing more to talk about. Get to a club, check it out, participate, and tell me you don't have a new found love for rap. Go get your hump on... GO!
| |
| |
|
